


Clod Gays on Motorcycles

by Mark_Loafers



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Biker Gang AU, Drugs, F/F, homeworld is racist, lowkey urban dystopia setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 13:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6660751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mark_Loafers/pseuds/Mark_Loafers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steven Universe Biker Gang AU! Ame and the Crystal Gems beat up on the Homeworlds for kicks, and generally wreak havoc.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clod Gays on Motorcycles

Lars skulked through the dark streets towards Citywalk. The buildings towered stupidly high above him.

He opened the door and stepped inside. The lighting was slight and the air was laced with an indeterminate combination of smoke. Lars glanced towards a chubby figure in the corner clicking away at her phone, her face concealed by long, white hair. He looked away immediately. He knew who that was. This wasn’t a friendly place.

Still, Mr. Fryman behind the bar was a decent sort. “What’ll it be?”

Lars rested both elbows on the bar and spoke, his voice low. “Gimme, uh… the bits.”

*

About a mile away, excitable cackling echoed through one of the disused walkways between buildings. Dot Perrault was playing with her new toys. She had all the ideal parts, the modifications had been tweaked to perfection, and even the dark-green paint job was on point. She’d assembled her ideal ride, as nimble as it was powerful.

“Shut up!” boomed a voice from the mouth of the street by way of greeting. Dot quailed a bit as the silhouette of Jasper’s huge frame strode towards her. “Don’t you ever stop screwing around with that piece of crap?”

Dot gathered herself. “As citizens of Beach City born and bred, we need the best bikes we can afford to protect our streets, and you know it!” she blurted.

“We didn’t start this gang so you could be a tech geek,” said Jasper, mounting her own bulky orange bike. “We started it to crack down on the newcomers. So get on with it.”

Dot rolled her eyes and clambered on top of her beloved contraption. She twisted the ignition, pulled up on her back wheel, and shot out of the walkway. Jasper was quietly impressed. Very quietly.

The central city was lit up. Massive screens advertised carbonated sugar water, 50-storey high-rises gleamed in gold, and glaciers of traffic shifted through intersections.

*

The clientele of Citywalk were rudely awoken when a slender young woman slammed the door open and bounded inside. This was all done in one fluid motion, a motion Mr. Fryman didn’t like much. Lars baulked. It was the terrifying renegade, Pearl.

Much of the people stared, but Pearl didn’t regard them. She stalked over to the girl with the phone in the corner and leaned in. “The Homeworld bastards are headed out to Route 5.”

A few conclusive clicks, and the girl got up from her seat and walked with Pearl across the room to the door. She kept her head down; she wasn’t scared, she just didn’t need to regard anyone, and everyone knew to leave her alone.

Mr. Fryman scowled at them on their way out. “Y’know, we generally don’t let kids use this place as a hangout spot.”

Pearl smirked at him. “That’s not a fight you want to start.” She shut the door behind her.

Outside, Ame swung her hair back from her face and chuckled at Pearl. “Tryin’ to be tough, Pearl? I’m reeeaaal scared.”

“Oh, like you’re any better, brooding in that corner all day,” said Pearl as they ducked down the side-alley where they parked.

“That’s the difference, Wonder Nerd,” said Ame as she took up her crowbar. “You’re trying.”

They got up on their bikes – Pearl’s slight and aqua-blue, Ame’s solid and electric purple – and sped off into the night toward city central.

As they approached the crowded intersection, they didn’t slow. Ame took the lead, Pearl tailing her some yards behind. At a lull in the traffic, Ame forced her way through. Cars braked all around her to avoid impact, and with a crack from her crowbar, she spiderwebbed one of their windscreens. Weaving between the cars, Pearl pulled the pin on a grenade and chucked it at the struck car. The driver fled just before it went up in gasoline-fuelled flames and smoke.

Elsewhere, the wine had corked.

“I beg your pardon, sir?” said a finely carved Polish waiter.

“I said, the wine has reacted with the cork and gone bad,” said Sir. “Fetch me a new bottle.”

The waiter sniffed. “Right away, sir,” he said, and left.

Sir scowled into the middle distance. Wailing motors sounded on the streets outside. Those damn hooligans were at it again. That was the problem with snake people, their constant criminality, that and their sense of entitlement to-

A brick crashed through the window and nailed Sir in the side of the head.

Outside, Ruby zoomed by, hollering with glee. “I’m an eternal flame, baby!”

Having cleared the intersection, it was easy for Ame to pick out one of the Homeworlds. Her ride was bright green. Grinning, she barrelled towards her.

Dot looked over her shoulder. The clods’ leader was gaining on her, and fast. Alarmed, she took a sharp turn down one of the narrow walkways. She dodged left and right between dumpsters. Some trash caught her in the face, but she gritted her teeth through it, and she was out on the other side. She swerved left, but it was too wide, and she was losing balance – it still couldn’t bank worth a damn! The ground met her with a thwack and extended scrape.

She was only halfway to her knees when Ame caught her in the side with her crowbar. She was back on the ground again.

Ame unhooked a coil of wire from the back of her bike and gripped either side in both hands. “Hey,” she smiled.

“Nyahhh!”

Ame quickly wrapped the wire around Dot’s torso and pulled a tight knot. “Don’t enjoy yourself too much,” she quipped.

“Bluh- you can’t do this to me!” Dot wailed.

“Uh-huh?” Ame carried on unabashed and tied her securely to the back of her bike. The tarmac was hardly a foot from Dot’s face.

“Wait, no! Please! I’ll be sick!”

“Have fun with that, Snottie.” Ame revved up the ignition and sped off with a despairing Dot in tow.

All six lanes of Route 5 were otherwise deserted; hardly anyone ever came into the city at this hour. Jasper was seething. She knew she was on the ropes.

The Crystal Gems were approaching from the other direction. First up was Ruby. A brick flew towards Jasper’s head; she caught it deftly, swung it around, and connected it with Ruby’s gut as she passed. Ruby fell and rolled, her frame crumpled.

Approaching her were two headlights. One pulled to a halt, and the other was coming close enough to make out a glint of purple. Jasper grinned. Okay, so.

Ame smiled widely, her eyes narrowed. She matched her trajectory exactly to the white line down the middle of the road, and Jasper followed suit.

They drew closer, speed only gaining, Jasper’s teeth gritted, Ame easily matching her furious gaze.

“Nyaaaaaaaaaah!” said Dot.

They both turned only at the last moment. Jasper struggled with the momentum, but it was too much, and she toppled.

Ame banked into a smooth J-turn and came to a halt, whooping in victory. “Yea-heah! That’s what I’m talkin’ about! Go Crystal Gems!”

Pearl skidded up beside her. “We need to get out of here. The police are coming,” she said urgently.

Sure enough, sirens could be heard in the distance. Ame immediately wheeled over to help Ruby, who was already up on her bike again. “You okay there, buddy? We gotta split.”

“Good to g-” Ruby started, then her lungs gave out on her, so he just gave a thumbs up.

“Hang on,” said Dot at shin level. “What about me?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll come up with something reeeaaal good,” Ame smiled. She took off in a blast of smoke and screeching, Pearl and Ruby behind her. “Eat it, Homeworld!”

**Author's Note:**

> This was influenced by AKIRA, but hopefully it doesn't come off as derivative. If people like this, I might write more (not exactly a commitment, I know, but I don't want to make promises I might not keep).  
> Credit to my bestie IronicSnap for the name Dorothy Perrault as Peridot's human name. He used it in his Zootopia/Sly Cooper crossfic Of Heists and Hustles, which I wholeheartedly recommend: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6504238/chapters/14888914  
> I hope you enjoyed! ^^


End file.
